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Monday, May 9, 2011

quotes to live by funny

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  • It would be a service to mankind if the pill were available in slot machines and the cigarette were placed on prescription. ~Malcolm Potts, MD



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  • Why try to explain miracles to your kids when you can just have them plant a garden. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



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  • Upon the sacredness of property civilization itself depends - the right of the laborer to his hundred dollars in the savings bank, and equally the legal right of the millionaire to his millions. ~Andrew Carnegie



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  • Quotes to live by. Some funny



  • Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: from academe A modern school where football is taught. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary



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  • Quotes To Live By Funny



  • If you don't have a smile, I'll give you one of mine. ~Author Unknown



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  • Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. ~Peter Mere Latham



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  • Money doesn't talk, it swears. ~Bob Dylan



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  • I believe in the imagination. What I cannot see is infinitely more important than what I can see. ~Duane Michals, Real Dreams



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  • You're the guy that'll be sneaking out of your bedroom at three o'clock in the morning to look at your bike. ~Paul Teutul, Sr., American Chopper, "Billy Joel"



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  • Men of genius are rarely much annoyed by the company of vulgar people. ~Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Table Talk



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  • Who depends on another man's table often dines late. ~John Ray



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  • ...the thoughtful excitement of lonely rambles, of gardening, and of other like occupations, where the mind has leisure to must during the healthful activity of the body, with the fresh and wakeful breezes blowing round it... ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827



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  • To have great poets there must be great audiences too. ~Walt Whitman



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  • We didn't starve, but we didn't eat chicken unless we were sick, or the chicken was. ~Bernard Malamud



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  • 10 Funny Quotes to Live By



  • You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. ~The Simpsons by Matt Groening, spoken by the character Homer Simpson



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  • I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom. ~Simone de Beauvoir



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  • I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day. We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year. As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year. And thus I drift along into the holidays - let them overtake me unexpectedly - waking up some find morning and suddenly saying to myself: "Why, this is Christmas Day!" ~David Grayson



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  • Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius. ~George Bernard Shaw



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  • quotes to live by funny



  • Be a good animal, true to your animal instincts. ~David Herbert Lawrence, White Peacock, 1911



    One doesn't know, till one is a bit at odds with the world, how much one's friends who believe in one rather generously, mean to one. ~D.H. Lawrence



    Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break. ~William Shakespeare



    I'm not sure... about automobiles.... With all their speed forward they may be a step backward in civilization - that is, in spiritual civilization. It may be that they will not add to the beauty of the world, nor to the life of men's souls. I am not sure. But automobiles have come, and they bring a greater change in our life than most of us suspect. They are here, and almost all outward things are going to be different because of what they bring. They are going to alter war, and they are going to alter peace. I think men's minds are going to be changed in subtle ways because of automobiles; just how, though, I could hardly guess. But you can't have the immense outward changes that they will cause without some inward ones, and it may be that... the spiritual alteration will be bad for us. Perhaps, ten or twenty years from now, if we can see the inward change in men by that time, I shouldn't be able to defend the gasoline engine, but would have to agree... that automobiles 'had no business to be invented.' ~Eugene, from Booth Tarkington's The Magnificent Ambersons, 1918



    Nothing is so often irretrievably missed as a daily opportunity. ~Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach



    No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious. ~George Bernard Shaw